A Public Service Announcement from the Cat

I am in the closet, typing on my owner's computer. I have been reading her blog, and I know what she has been saying about me.

Though there is some truth in her libelous words against me, I must clarify our situation.

I lived in a beautiful apartment when I was a kitten. It was complete with an older cat for me to chase, a baby for me to hide from, and an owner who doted on me. I spent my days hiding under the couch.

My owner made the serious faux pas (or, in my case faux paw) or mentioning to the landlords that my mother was a Bengal, that illustrious breed of only semi-domesticated cats that are so much more beautiful, intelligent, and lethal than all the other breeds. The landlords could not take the competition of beautiful me (they only WISH they could purr) and so I put an ad up for myself on Craigslist.

Three people came in response to the ad. Well, three and a half people, actually. The female human was grossly pregnant. I mean, even her feet were swollen. I have no tolerance for humans who let themselves slip like that.

I could see that the man and the two young children desperately needed my help. She wasn't good enough for them. She obviously was too busy popping out hairless kittens to do a proper job of caring for the kittens she had. (I should mention that I should have taken the warning signs and had her spayed right away. We cats need to make sure we spay our females early on!)

So, I adopted them.

I immediately set to raising my young humans. The older boy needed some serious grooming, so I set myself the task of licking him clean as he slept, as any good mother would. She didn't do it. Her idea of a bath was sticking them in a huge basin of water! I am not lying!

The younger of the two needed some serious discipline. Oh, who am I kidding, he looked delicious, so I practiced my hunting skills on him. It's not like they were useful to anyone else.

When I went into heat I bathed myself beautifully, and pranced in front of the handsome and obviously available male, the human man. (Don't judge me, you know what it is like to go into heat.) I could tell he liked me better than the odious female, but he wasn't willing to abandon her with kittens all by herself.

Then She did the unforgivable.

She had me spayed.

Seriously. I was cast into a crate, drugged, cut open, and lost all the dignity and hope for kittens I could have had. It was cruel revenge on her part. I know she saw me snuggling with her mate!

I decided to sit down and give her the real run down. She was only welcome in my house as a pet. She could pop out kittens for me to raise, but the man was mine. The kittens were mine. All subsequent dogs, cats, and chickens were mine.

So, you can take Her spin on it, but what I am doing here is an act of gracious service! I am raising these poor hairless kittens.

It is a thankless job.

I must return the computer before She finishes suckling our latest offspring.

Once he is weaned, he will be mine, just like all the rest.

Purrfully Yours,

Jade

Korra

This is Korra. Please excuse her pound mugshot. My two year old decided our camera needed swimming lessons in the kiddie pool. Don't recognize the name? You're not familiar with the REAL Avatar (as in Airbenders, not blue people)? Off you go, don't come back until you can tell me who Korra is, and... um... why there are conveniently a lot of flying bison all of a sudden.

Back? Good.

Korra came from the pound. She was a birthday wish from my boys and supposedly could help with one son's anxiety. So far it looks pretty good. He now has a way to calm himself when he worries. He just holds her and feels better.

She's a Chihuahua/Min Pin cross, which means she doesn't shake all of the time (just some of it) and she is really social.

She's also currently very sick. She got kennel cough at the pound. That's really common. I don't think I have ever rescued a pet from there who hasn't ended up with kennel cough.

There are mixed feelings about her in the family. Jade, the cat, is all for keeping her. Harold, the orange cat, suspects she might be a ROUS. The two big dogs think she is an evil alien from the planet Zurg.

The cutest thing about her would probably be her tail. It curls just like a pig tail. In fact, I wanted to name her Peppa or Miss Piggy, but I was vetoed. In the end it was between Toph, Kitara, and Korra. (You still don't know what I am talking about? For shame!)

Korra won. It's kind of hilarious because now #2's First Grade teacher things we named our dog after her...(Corrie).

 So far she has pretty much just been a really sick little dog. She sleeps in our (dirty) laundry basket. She also apparently doesn't eat or go to the bathroom. We have been tempting her with all kinds of good thinks, but it was an empty effort until today.

Eventually she will "go" outside when we are on our frequent outings.

Not in the back with Beauty Lightyear and Buzz Red, of course. They would destroy her and her home planet.